you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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