I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i out mim tonsoeep
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