your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
