ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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