oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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