he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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