I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
