Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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