My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
