His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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