Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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