Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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