hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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