I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
