i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize