I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
