she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We left the knife in your bed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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