While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You did what with his pubic hair?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
