In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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