don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
