is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
