Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
