Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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