so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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