Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
