he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
