He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
