I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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