I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Boobs speak an international language.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
