there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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