Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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