Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
