A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
