I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
