i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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