he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
