and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
