my mouth tastes like poor choices
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
