I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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