last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
