Will you blow on my dice?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
