you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
