$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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