I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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