I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
