Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
