How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
