I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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