Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize