I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
