After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
