I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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