I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
