Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
