Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
