I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize