you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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