I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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