I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it hurts more in the daytime
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
