I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
