i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
