She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
