I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
