I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
