I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
