..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
