ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
