She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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