he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
