sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
