Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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