i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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