Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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