Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
