Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
