I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
