So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize