Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
