I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
