Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
