just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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