i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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