i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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