i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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